Ducktales: VHS Episode
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NSFW WARNING (18+):
BEFORE YOU BEGIN READING, THIS CONTAINS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT!
DON'T READ THIS IF AT SCHOOL, WORK, OR UNDER THE AGE OF 18! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!
Have you ever heard of Ducktales?
You know, Ducktales, if not, then you're a disgrace to your family and the Ducktales' fandom.
Well here I, Beck, am an employee at the Bellagio hotel/casino. Sadly, I worked in the hotel section offering people rooms.
One day, however, I was helping this here fellow who had an Dr. Robotnik mask. I helped him to his room when he dropped something. I picked it up and here's what it read, "Release Date: 11/02/1998." Even though both shows had ended before the date.
Then Mr. Robotnik shouted, "PINGAS!!! Don't touch THAT!!! Then I told him that I needed to repair it and he agreed to give it to me. When it was lunch break, which was about an hour, I decided to pop it into the VCR and it began with the typical "Ducktales Theme Song."
Then there was no title card, as it just skipped to a scene where Robotnik and Scrooge were talking to each other about something. I couldn't understand it since it shortly skipped to a scene where Launchpad, Gyro, Fenton (Gizmo-Duck), Doofus Drake, and Ludwig were on a helicopter.
Then Launchpad crashed into the World Trade Center ultimately killing all on board. Then it skipped to Duckworth in the kitchen but instead of him speaking in his fancy British accent, he spoke like a black person and though I had no problem with his voice, since "I'm not a racist redneck with a Confederate flag on the back of my shitty truck," he said, "Today I'm gonna make some fried chicken!" Then he grabbed a chicken, snapped its' neck, decapitated it, and ate it raw.
Mrs. Beakley came in and screamed, "What the fuck is going on here?" Before she could speak any longer, she had a heart attack and died. Now it was scene of Dewey masturbating on a mattress, but at least it drawn in a cartoon-ish fashion.
Louie and Webby were in Mr. Bones' Wild Ride and the ride had continuously gone without ending and they vomited. Hyper-realistic blood and gore began forming on the ground as they vomited. Huey said this, "I will shove a tennis racket up my fucking ass. This was inappropriate since one, he cussed, and two, he literally shoved it up his asshole. Then he began vomiting blood and entrails as he was screaming, "Holy fucking shit," repeatedly.
Then it skipped to a scene of Huey lying there dead but with hyper-realistic gore. When I saw this, I was like, "Ugh, I haven't been this disgusted since I read that Dipper Goes to Taco Bell fanfic!!!" Dewey was literally ejaculating semen.
Dewey stated how he'll scream "BLOODY MURDER" for Batman, which would make Walt and his family cry. Then it was Dewey Duck speaking in the voice of Steve Urkel, "Did I do that? DID I DO THAT, JACKASS?!?"
Then it skipped to, Oh Hell No, It was Dr. Ivo Robotnik except he looked more sinister. Then Dr. Ivo Robotnik began singing.
"Here I come, rougher than the rest of them"
"The worst of them"
"Worse than the fucking devil himself"
"You can call me Dr. Ivo Robotnik!"
Then Scrooge McDuck with bloodshot eyes, and a large erection, stated, "Now I will fall into a pit of coins and bust my damn skull!!!" Then he did it and his skull cracked revealing brain matter and blood.
Then a hyper-realistic Dr. Ivo Robotnik was shown in the mix of static stated this, "You are no longer safe, for you will face the wrath of me and meh giant "PINGAS!!!"
Then Dr. Robotnik jumped out of the screen and began stating, "Show yourself for a PROMOTION!!!" I tried calling the cops on him but he was too clever and cut the cable.
Robotnik stated, "You're in my world now! The PINGAS world!!!" Then I raised my right eyebrow and stated, "Your world?" Then he grabbed the headless remains of Scratch and Grounder from the same series.
He grabbed me and sent me into the world of "The Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog" and as I was unconscious, he turned me into a robot. Now I can only say, "PINGAS!" and obey Dr. Robotnik.
As the old saying goes, "Curiosity killed the cat, or in this motherfucking case, Curiosity turned me into a robot!!!
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